Don’t go!

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There is a part of me gone that I can never get back. You were my best friend. I know we hadn’t talked in a while but I tried. I tried so hard to keep you around. Why couldn’t you try? I don’t understand. What was so painful in your life you couldn’t talk to me or anyone else? Now you’re gone and you can’t ever come back.

Sometimes I think this is just a crazy dream. I’ll wake up call you and you’ll say everything is alright. But it’s not. I’ve never had a friend this close to me leave in such an unexpected way.  Don’t go! Come back!

It’s been seven months and I still wake up trying so hard to get over you. I bury myself in school, planning my wedding, and family. None of those help the fact I know you are gone. Why’d you do it? I see so many people moving on and so am I but I constantly come back to the same question. WHY?

My faith tells me God has a plan. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I believe Him! I just wish I could see that plan. I can handle this I just wish I didn’t have to. I truly wish this was someone else. I wish I was helping another friend get through this. I don’t know who to turn to with my thoughts. They keep pulling me down. My friend who are handling this look like they don’t want to be bothered with any memory of you. My other friends just tell me to forget about it. They don’t understand. Thomas listens and he gives me the encouragement I need. But even he doesn’t understand, it’s never happened to him.

I just wish you were here. I feel like I didn’t try hard enough to keep our friendship. In all reality you were the one who didn’t hold up your side of the friendship. So why can’t I get over this? Does it get easier? I sure hope so.

I know you are in a better place. A place where you no longer have pain. A place where you can be you! I hope you can see down here and know how much I care. How much we all cared. I think to move on I just need to keep reminding myself you’re better now.

I’ve been struggling with a friend who committed suicide. I’ve never been through this and it’s definitely a growing process. If any of you have ever been through something like this or any kind of death that is I want you to know I will always be a friend. I will always listen. If I haven’t been through something you have I will listen and help you the best I can. I care!

Talk soon,

Marena

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