Today while nannying one of the girls is napping the other is in the bath. So I decided to sit in the bathroom with Yana (the youngest while she bathed) and read an article about 5 questions to ask your fiancé. But I was surprised because none of the questions they asked are the ones I’d think you needed to ask.
I decided to tell you the 5 questions I REALLY believe you need to ask. At the end let me know if you have any to add!
1. Do you want children/how many?
Everyone says you’d do anything for love. People do crazy things that’s for sure. But the one thing I wouldn’t do is give up being a mother. All my life I’ve dreamed of the day I’d have my own children. Even if I don’t give birth to them I’d still raise and love any child I adopted as my own. (I hope everyone would do that if they adopted.) Even if I didn’t give birth to them I’d still be a mother. But I’d compromise to any number of children. So if my future husband said he never wanted children then I don’t think love would do us anything. I’d end up resenting him.
2. How do you want to raise our children?
I think one of the hardest things to do is compromise on how to raise out children. Thomas and I have compromised very well. It helps we’re a lot a like so we had LOTS of things we agreed on. We actually just knew we didn’t want to be exactly like our parents. We wanted the good from both. (Not saying our parents were bad.) However I could see many people having troubles with this. But just remember a marriage is a little give a little take. You can do it!
3. How will we handle our religion?
I feel like many marry with is their own religious group of people. (I hope that made sense.) However more and more people are marrying into different religions. So you need to ask will one convert to the other or are you two okay with staying different. I think this can be done either way. I feel everyone can love each other even with different religions. The only problem will come when you have children. Thomas and I have the same religious beliefs but we agreed we’d let our children decide for themselves. But we’d give them the tools they need to make their own decisions. So how will you two do it? Each teach them your beliefs and let them choose or will you decide one way or the other to “force” them. If you force them how will you choose what parents beliefs to go with?
4. How will we handle the all powerful money problem?
Thomas and I decided what’s his is mine and what’s mine is his. So we’ve decided to add each other on to our pre existing accounts. With Thomas’ income we will pay bills and use as everyday spending. But some of his and all of mine will go into save for vacations, children, and/or emergency spending. The only reason mine will be saved is because in our respected fields he will be making more than me. I don’t have to work. So mine is just “extra because I want to work. At least before I have children and after once they are older. But how will you decide? Many families do the what’s mine is mine and yours is yours. To mea that feels like a marriage out of convenience not out of love. Again everyone is different.
5. Where will we live?
For Thomas and I we have it east for a while. We’ll just be living where we go with the Navy. But we know once he leaves the military we’d like to live in Texas near the Dallas area. (In person you wouldn’t notice but we’re very excited for this in our future.) However many still need to make that decision. Will you stay in your college town, go back to where you were raised, or will you go somewhere new. This can be a hard decision sometimes. Especially if you were raised in different places or even when to different colleges. I personally think it’d be extremely hard if you two were raised on different sides of the country. But it’s still a decision to make before you get married.
So these are my 5 Important things to ask your future spouse. Let me know if you have any other things the two of you should discuss before marriage.