Forgotten

Many times in my life I’ve felt forgotten. The last few weeks I’ve had more moments of feeling forgotten than I usually have. Now I know I’m not forgotten so family if you read this I’m not saying you forgot me. I love you!

But it is a feeling I’ve gotten. Maybe forgotten isn’t the right word. I’m just not sure how to explain any other way the lonely empty feeling I get. It’s as if I’m in a room full of people yet no one sees me. I jump up and down waving my arms yelling “Look at me look at me!” Yet people just walk on by. Once I get into a mood like this it’s hard for me to pull out. It’s as if I’m in a grove and I have to give as much energy as I have to budge. By the time out out of my grove I’m exhausted.

My sister is busy with her high school life and doing amazing. My parents are set in their work routine. My fiancé is miles away with his career. My friends are moving on in their life. People all around me are walking a fast paced life. I feel like everyone is moving on without me. As if I have nothing and they have everything.

I study hard but only get satisfactory grades, I work hard but only get satisfactory pay, I love deeply but feeling like I love a little. It’s hard sometimes.

Then I remember my family have lived away from me for 2 years of course they have their own routine. But they love me and they show it in their own way constantly. And Thomas is busy in his career so if I don’t hear from him for a few days he’s busy and most often tired. But if he could be next to me constantly he would. And I’m young so school and work will become more than satisfactory the longer I try. I may feel satisfactory but I get glowing recommendations often. So they don’t see me as satisfactory right? And the people around me? Why do I need to care about them. I walk on by not thinking of their problems just as they do to me. We’re not looking at each other as if one is invisible we’re just busy in our life trying to worry about ourselves.

No matter how often I feel forgotten I realize I’m not. We’re just all moving at different speeds.

Talk soon,
Marena

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