Baby Time? Right Time? Compromise Time?

Getting pregnant seems to be a common conversation with my husband and I lately. I’m 21 and he is almost 23. We’ve been married for 4 months but we’ve been together for 6 years and 4 months. So we know we have tons of time before we really need to talk seriously about having a baby. That is if we look in the scope of we’re young and have time. Or the scope of it’s nice to be married a while without children.

Something we both agree on is we want to married a year to 3 years before we start trying to grow our family with a baby. We both agree we’d like to spend time married just being us. Not to mention we’ve never lived long term together. I may have been with him for 4 years while he was in the military but we’ve also never lived in a different state as our family together just us. So this gives us time to really learn how our lives will be.

Then come the compromises. How do two people compromise over when to have a baby? It was something that weighed heavy on me at first. I was sure there would be no way we’d both get what we want out of it. I’m truly not sure what made me think this. Thomas and I have spent years together and boy have we both compromised a lot. Sure some were simple probably unimportant and some were big and even life changing. Once I truly thought about this I realized we’d work it out perfectly. That we did.

We decided to spend 1 full month (I was back home with family as my mom had surgery) not either of us bringing up a baby. While this month passed we needed to think of all the things we want when it comes to having a baby. We then needed to think of the other person. What do we think the other person would want out of having a baby. From there we each needed to come up with a compromise we find reasonable. By reasonable I mean one where both partners would be happy. After all that was said and done we would share our thoughts, feelings, and our compromise. The biggest key was to really listen to what the other wanted. From there we would look at both compromises and find one final compromise we could both agree on.

For us It turned out perfectly. Where one persons compromise ended the other started. It made me feel like tying up shoes. Laces overlap themselves and come together into one cohesive knot.

Our compromises ended with this.

I want to be in the states to have our baby. I have a heart condition (non life threatening) but with my husband being in the Navy I didn’t want to risk being in an unfamiliar country. Without my family for support. My theory is if Thomas can’t be there meaning his ship is out of port I’ll be prepared enough to either be comfortable until my mom flies in or even better have her with me early. This way I’m not alone or at least not alone long. My husband wants to do special training for his job and that could require him to be out of the country. But most importantly he need to be able to move wherever the training is. The way we will know this is he is up for the training in October we will find out between March and April where we will be come October.

Our compromise works so well because in February we will start looking for new stations as Thomas is up for a new location in October. From there we agreed to put the US locations his training is being offered. Being the position he is in now he feels he has a very high chance at staying in the states (so the worry of being out of the country is less but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be there.) Then leading to it we both get what we want for us to be in the states, for him to get his training, and for us to wait at minimum a year before having our children.

Then we do have to think of the what if he has to be stationed out of the country. We both agreed 1 year is only the minimum. So we will go to a station where he will be required to be there for only a year or 2. and in the last few month of being there we’d start trying to have a baby. Then as time gets closer to coming back to the states I’ll either not be pregnant yet or in the beginning stages of pregnancy. So in turn this still meets my requirement of being in the states to have our baby.

So our 1-3 year plan really works for us.

I know I probably blabbed on way to much. If any of you stuck to the end I’d love to know if you and your partner, husband, wife, or fiance made compromises like this I’d love to hear. I always find I have enjoyed learning and some of the best ways to do so are by hearing what others have done in the same situation. Or even to hear what someone would do when they hit the same situation.

 

Talk soon,

Marena

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