Loss. A Little One. 

Shortly after saying my husband and I wanted to wait a while to get pregnant we found out we were actually pregnant. Ironic right? We were in shock but still happy. (So basically the last Saturday of January we found out.)

I went in to do my verification test with my doctor. We did the math and what not and figured I was 6 weeks along. We set up my 8 week appointment and to home I went. 

I was still in shock as it wasn’t exactly a part of my plan but I was still happy. We were prepared financially, we had a good home, we wanted a baby. We just hadn’t thought we’d start trying yet. 

Then a week later I started feeling light cramps and had spotting. As this was a first pregnancy I called my doctor just to double check. He told me it was normal and not to worry. He also gave me the tips for if something was wrong. 

The next day all was normal so I put it out of my mind. I had nausea all day the day before and that day. I found if I ate popcorn semi often I’d feel better. So I was having a pregnancy symptom and no more spotting and cramps. 

However later that week I found myself spotting and cramping again. I was slowly reaching to the if something were wrong tips. I call my mom because in a time of worry or confusion she’s who I go to. Thomas was on duty and I just simply needed my mommy. She’s great she puts on her soft calm mom voice and tells me to cal my doctor then call her back. She calmed me down so I was able to talk with my doctor but as my doctor is instructing me to head to the ER I start to feel it all slip away. My calm attitude and blood pressure, temperature everything just feels like its increasing. 

I call my mom back almost to a panicked state and being as great as she is she calms me back down and gives me more instructions. “Do you know how to call Thomas? (Mumble an mhm) Good call him then call me back. Marena I hear it in your voice take a deep breath.” (If I haven’t said it already my moms the best.) 

I call Thomas but that really means I have to call the ship and talk to some stranger about why I’m heading to the ER. As it turns out I didn’t talk to a stranger and I think that made it easier. 

Fast forward I’m sitting at the ER with Thomas while my doctor is talking to me. We do an ultrasound (not very comfortable), have blood drawn, and answer a million questions. 

The conclusion was I was most likely having a miscarriage and I’d need to follow up with the OB/GYN Monday. Now they sent me home with tons of information and by the time I left the doctors and Thomas (and my parents) comforted me. By the time I left I felt in my heart I was okay and yes I was sad but this must be working in Gods plan somehow. 

Also by the time I left I was so hungry I ate two very filled Sonic hot dogs, a large fry, and an ice cream sundae.

My follow up Monday showed I was not having a miscarriage but I actually had an ectopic pregnancy. An ectopic pregnancy mean it was inside out outside of my tubes but it hadn’t made it to the uterus. This can be dangerous because if the sells grow they can be ruptured or push on things it shouldn’t. Either way very dangerous. My doctor came to the decision I needed a D&C (basically removing the sells in surgery). However that didn’t fully work as my hcg levels were still going up. The next decisions as for me to take a very small dose of Methotrexate. This a basically a drug for cancer patients it helps remove the cells. Let me repeat very small dose. So it’s no where near what a cancer patient takes. But if they have to get it as a shot in the butt I feel for them. I’ve had shots in the butt and this one was out of the bal park in a pain scale. 

Thankfully this worked but I spent the next 6 weeks with limitations and blood draws. 

In the end I’m now just shy of 4 months out. Thomas and I are doing great. (He’s the sweetest.) I still believe this worked in Gods plan even if I don’t understand why. It also helped me start thinking of things for my next pregnancy. Like taking prenatal pills and trying to change up my diet to be healthier along with preparing and asking doctors about my medical conditions and how that will affect my future pregnancy and baby.

I will forever hold that little one in my heart. As should anyone who’s lost a child. But I won’t let it affect my happiness or cause me worry for my future children. But I do find myself sad every once in a while and when I do I take a moment out of my day to cherish the happy moments. 

I really need to thank my mom for how she kept me calm. I hope I get to be half as great as her one day. I need to thank Thomas for being an amazing husband. And to my inlaws who were not in the loop right away but were understanding as to why and helpful and encouraging in their own way. 

When I went home to visit my mom for Mother’s Day I was having a hard time and all sets of parents had nice encouraging words to say and they’ll never understand how much it truly meant to me. 

I’m not sure you can tell but I was very loopy. But I kept my pretty looks even though I had just woken up from my D&C 30 minutes prior. 

Talk soon,



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