10 Day Self-Love Day 2

Day 2: 5 Positive Affirmations

1. I am loved, loving, and loveable.

2. I want love and love wants me.

3. I forgive myself for any and all mistakes I have made.

4. I am beautiful.

5. I am enough.

Google says an affirmation is 1. An action or a process of affirming something or being affirmed. 2. Emotional support or encouragement.

Basically there are two types of affirmations. Positive and negative. Negative affirmations can be true statement however they tend to be ones that tear a person down. The goal is to remind yourself of all the things you do have or can have in your life.

Talk soon,



10 Day Self-Love Day 1

Day 1: 5 things I love about myself.

1. I love the color of my eyes. No matter how terrible a day has been I can look in a mirror and fee like I’m drowning in the color of my eyes. Sounds a little strange but honestly something about the color makes me feel at peace.

2. I love being a wife and a mother. Nothing prepared me for the joys I’d have as a wife and a mother. Every morning I’m so happy to hear my husband tell he loves me as he heads off to work. And my heart turns to mush the second my daughter wakes up and yells Mama with her soft little voice. I think I kick butt at being a wife and a mom but honestly I don’t always give myself the credit and ove I deserve as one.

3. I love my ability to make friends. As a child and teenager I struggled to make true friends. But over the last few years I’ve made some of the best friends possible and I love that about myself.

4. I love my hands. I was born with 4 finger on each hand some webbing on one hand. Over the years especially as an adult my hands have been the thing I love the most about myself but it’s also the thing I’ve hated most. I hate being looked at funny or treated poorly. If like to let go of hate because my hands have been one of the biggest factors in who I am today. Plus once again I realized if I hate something as simple as that about myself then I can’t teach my daughter to love every physical feature she has.

5. I love the amount of love for others I feel. No matter if I just met you, met you years ago, you’ve done me wrong, or you haven’t I love you with all my heart. Something in my just says I have to love you. It’s as easy as, 123 as simple as, do re mi. Seriously the easy love I feel for others reminds me of the Jackson 5 song.

Let me be honest this was easy but also hard. It’s like I coudnt easily come up with things I love about myself but then when I did come up with one I would think to myself, “that was easy why did I complicate it”.

What are 5 things you love about yourself?

Talk soon,


10 Day Self-Love Challenge

10 days of learning to love myself more. First let me admit something…. This challenge makes me so nervous. I tell myself and everyone around me that I love myself and I think highly of myself. But let’s be honest here, I put myself down more often than my infant daughter changes her mind about the toy she wants to play with. (Trust me that’s a lot).

So my goal in the next 10 days is to truly dig deep and learn to love myself better! I encourage you to do the same! Because let’s face it if we can’t love ourselves how can we expect others to love us properly. And what really hits home is if I can’t love myself how can I possibly teach my daughter to love herself.

Talk soon,


Finally a Diagnosis! Part 1

Well I’ve finally been given a diagnosis. A part of me is so happy to finally have an understanding of what’s going on. Not to mention how great the feeling is to get meds to feel better. The unfortunate part is my diagnosis is for life. So the hopes of feeling better are for bursts of moments and not forever like I had hoped. 

I guess it’s time to share my diagnosis…. On November 23, 2017 I was diagnosed with an autoimmune dissorder, IBD (Inflammatory Bowel Disease) more specifically Crohn’s Disease. 

I guess I should share everything. I don’t plan for anything to be overly TMI and I won’t be sharing pictures. However if you want more information and what not I don’t mind sharing. I just know that sometimes talking abouy your GI tract isn’t always the most enjoyable.


Let me start with saying everyones “normal” is different. On average a “normal” BM (bowel movement) habit is roughly a soft but firm BM 1 time a day. There shouldn’t be pain, blood, stomach cramping, excesive diarrhea, or excesive constipation. (Obviously things vary when sick, with certian foods, meds, etc). For me my “normal” had always been 1-2 times a week even as a young girl.

But then about 3 years ago I was noticing a difference. I was having a BM every other day if not every day. And several times a week I’d have 1 or more (usually all) the symptoms you “shouldn’t” have. So I went in to see a doctor. Because this wasn’t happening often and it wasn’t affecting me to much my doctor said it was fine and I was probably fighting a bug or my body is just changing as I grow. He also said maybe it was my diet and exercise. So in the end he sent me home with the reassurance all was fine. 

But over the next year things got worse. I also experienced a miscarriage and life was just changing for me. I now had a new doctor as I had moved across the country and was now living with my husband. This doctor listened and thought maybe I should see GI and a nutritionist. He figured it probably wasn’t a bug but maybe it was IBS (irritable bowel syndrom). He also thought maybe I wasn’t eating properly and needed someone to teach me how to eat better. (Is there a pause button? Let’s pause for a second. Two things. 1st I was told my Crohn’s probably didn’t cause my ectopic pregnancy. 2nd I was eating very well. I wasn’t eating out that often, I had multiple salads a week, fruits/veggies every meal, little carbs/sugars. I was eating pretty well. The nutrionist actually said so. Okay un pause). 

So after waiting 2 months I was FINALLY approved and scheduled to see a gastroenterologist (GI). (Also I have tricare and am seen by military doctors. No clue if that makes a difference but I have noticed some things take what feels like years with military doctors/tricare). To me seeing this doctor was a bust. His exact words were “You remind me of my daughter. You’re so healthy and young! Don’t worry just eat those leafy greans!” Yeah his medical opinion that I was going there for was I look like his daughter. Now in all honesty I was about to activley try and get pregnant again and that meant doctors don’t really want to start anything new. More specifically doctors want you done with children as they don’t really want to give you a lot of meds (even if “safe”) while pregnant. Plus pregnancy can change a lot of things.

So fine I wanted to get pregnant I guess that makes sense to hold off. I could deal with that. And honesly even though things felt like they were getting worse I was actually still doing really well. Living a “normal” daily life.

Fast forward a few months and I go back to my doctor and share with him that I still feel horible. It had actually gottem even worse. But it still wasn’t running my life. And I could still keep my normal activity. He ran a few test all coming back fine. So again I’m told it’s all normal and not to worry. He told me the GI I was sent to is great and he stood by his ruling. Okay so now I’m starting to feel a little concerned more is going on and no one is really listening to me. I’m not one to go to the doctor often so at this point I had gone over my limit for 5 years worth of doctor visits. I wasn’t great at advocating for myself so I just went home. And kept living that “normal” life.

But all this was put on a back burner because I was just cleared to start trying to get pregnant again. So pregnancy was on my main focus and I was so excited. It took 2 months roughly and finally it happened. I was pregnant! (I got pregnany July 2016). All was great! But then by the time I got 2 months (roughly 8 weeks) all my symptoms came back and I was constsntly having BM’s. You’re going to say “Marena that’s just pregnancy.” But honestly it didm’t feel like “just pregnancy”. Younknow the saying “trust your gut”? Well that ism’t dfar from the truth. You should trust your gut. To me it just didm’t completely normal. But just like you’re probably thinking those are the exact things mh OBGYN said. He said it was normal to experience those symptoms while pregnant. Again I put my concerns asside because I trusted my doctor. I focused om the joys of pregnancy. On March 9, 2017 I had my beautiful daughter.

Almost immediatly after having my daughter though those symptoms came back like crazy. It was enough my mom convinced md to make another doctors appointment. (My mother was staying with a short while to help out). Again my doc said all was normal and not to worry. Plus I was about to move in a month and it was probably better to wait untill I was settled in my new area to have good care. Made sense. 

Then just as we were leaving Cali to head to Hawaii all of us got sick. My husband and mom fought it off like a breeze but I wasn’t so lucky. I would go on to find out I had E.Coli un diagnosex for 5 months. I’ll get to that part later…. 

Not only was I feeling sick again I all of a sudden started getting these weird red/bruised spots on my foot, knees, legs. They were hot and sore to touch. I also had a red eye but it wasn’t pink eye or allergy eye. At first we thought it was a bug bite reaction and ignored it. Mom, Dad , grandma/mom/MIL, dog, 5 week old, lots of luggage and sickness in tow we made the treck to Hawaii. Off on a new adventure with the military.

So wd are in Hawaii not even a while 3 days when I do to the ER. The spots had gotten bigger and my joints had gptten really stiff. I was actually having a hard time walking. I was so miserable and didn’t know what was wrong. So at the ER they said it was an allergic reaction to some kind of spider bite and sent me home with prednisone. All is good right? Well not so much.

I took the prednisone and was feeling great. The pain and redness went away and I felt like an new woman. Problem was the minute I was done taking the steroid the red spots and joint pain came so much worse. Within just a few days I hurt so much I cried anytime I needed to stand up. I cried because I had to give everything in me to take care of my daughter. So I made an appointment with primary doctor and went in to see him immediately. So immediate actually that when the nurse mumbled to herself “You can’t get here in 10 minutes” I quickly said “YES I CAN! I LIVE A BLOCK FROM THE CLINIC!” (We live on the military base and we really do live just a couple blocks away). So we loaded up as quick as possible as we could. Met my doctor and I instantly loved him. 

Now right now we don’t discuss my stomach issues because they were still on the back burner. I didn’t necessarily put two and two together they may be linked. So he gives me a longer course of steroid and schedules me to see an autoimmune doctor (forgive me the title has momentarily left my brain) and dermatologist. Because after seeing the spots and hearing what was wrong and calling the autoimmune doc they agreed something wasn’t right. They prescribed me more prednisone but this time it wasn’t a 5 day med it was a 12 day med. 

Again I felt great. When the med finished up the spots came back but I wasn’t sore or in pain. At least not right away. However my stomach issues were still happening pretty bad and I had started losing weight. I went from 100 poumds to 92 pounds in roughly a month. Then I asked my doc to send me to a surgeon because I want to get my hemorrhoids removed. These were not caused by pregnancy. I had them before. But with my stomach issues they had gotten huge. While in surgery I would later find out they found a type of ulcer that signnals crohn’s. (We’ll get back to that).

Alright I’ll leave you here with part 1 since it’s getting so long. I didn’t think it’s take long but once I started writing I realized there was so much more to say.

Talk soon,


30 Days of Thankful

Today I’m thankful for the ability to write about the other day even though I’m late. Actually I’m sure you’ve known many of these are posted a day or two or in some cases 3 days late. I love writing about what I’m thankful for nut sometimes I get so busy I don’t get to it. Or really it’s am hard (at least for me) to take a moment and reallt think about what I’m thinking about. 

So today I’m thankful to go back in town. Sort of.

Talk soon,



30 Days of Thankful

November 28, 2017

Today I am thankful for kind people. Over the course of Kairi’s life and that includes my pregnancy with her. Many friends, family, and even strangers donated clothing to her. I don’t know if donate is the right word exactly. But…. They all gave her some great clothes as hand me downs. These have been great because it has allowed us not to have to spend a lot of money on clothing. And although we could easily handle buying those items on our own it’s always appreciated not to have to worry about it.

So if you have children that out grow clothing and I know they do. Think about passing them on to someone else. And even if you don’t give they away free thing about selling them for very cheap. Clothing is expensive but food can be even more expensive. Cheap/free clothing allows our children to be stylish and extra adorable while we can spend money on what’s more important. FOOD. or you know DIAPERS. The two most important and expensive things children need.

Talk soon,