Ah yes Mom life…. The never ending journey of growth!
Technically I became a mother the day I found out I was pregnant with my angel baby. I never expected my first mom life momemt to be mixed with such joy and sadness in such a short time. I knew I was pregnant for 2 weeks before I found out I had lost my baby. I then spent another 2 weeks of technically being pregnant and another month after that where I was no longer pregnant but my body felt like it was. I went from being so excited and ready to being a mom to wanting to crawl under a rock and never come out.
I talked with people and shared my sadness but I never truly told anyone how much pain I was in. Not even my husband. It was a pain that I just couldn’t explain. And honestly it was a pain I felt I deserved. Now don’t get me wrong I knew there was nothing I did wrong and sometimes these things happen. But all I could think was how it was MY body that couldn’t grow this baby and MY body rejected not anyone else’s. Mine! I read a few books and prayed a lot and I finally came to turns with everything. But even 2 years later I still have my moments where I fall back into that sadness and anger at myself.
But then I got pregnant with my daughter Kairi. I had a new mom life moment. One filled with joy and happiness. One that’s also filled with sleepy nights and cold meals. You know because if baby doesn’t sleep then I don’t sleep. Not to mention everyone’s gotta have food before I even get a moment to sit. But I wouldn’t change it for the world!
Then it leads into my new mom life moment! I officially got the all clear to try for another baby! Even with all the crazy in my life I’m excited to go at it again! Baby number 2 here we come!